Though the fig tree shall not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls YET I will rejoice in the Lord. I will take joy in the God of my salvation. Habakkuk 3:17
As I am struggling through a stormy situation, in a particular area of my life, I am reminded of a time when I experienced what, for me, felt like a Category 5. I lost everything that mattered to me and truly didn't know how to survive, emotionally or spiritually. I was divorced 2.5 years earlier and my two younger children, who were now 13 and 15, were battling the reality of going between homes, ours a simple Mennonite home, in the country, with a lot of love and the security of a strong community and, their dad's, a home in Suburbia where they would go to movies, listen to music, wear the latest teen fashion from the mall, swim in the back yard pool of the executive home where their dad and new step-mom lived, have free access to the internet and TV in their rooms and even get to take trips out of the country on holidays. They would come back to me and our quiet, plain life and it would be obvious that they wanted the life their dad could offer them but didn't want to hurt me. The elder was also "finished" with school and working full time, since Mennonite children only go through 8th grade and then start to work in a trade, most often with their dad or a relative. As you can imagine, given the option, at these ages, the inevitable happened, when my youngest called from a visit at his dad's, and said, "Mom, I'm going to stay here and live with Dad. He said it's going to be like "name," an amusement park in the city, at that time. One week after his move, my dad, who was my solid rock of support, died suddenly from Acute Leukemia. I walked through the funeral in a fog of grief and sadness that I thought I could not recover from. My middle son tried to stay with me, as he didn't want to leave me, after he saw the pain his brother's move caused, followed by the loss of his Papa and yet, it was so clear he was not going to join the Mennonite church. At 15, he wanted to go to high school and experience all the things he was "missing." I knew he could not and would not stay, with this mindset, and only an 8th grade education, which works very well if your life is embedded in the Mennonite community, but is most often disastrous in the "real world," so through a series of discussions about his intentions, I felt I had no choice but to release him to make the move, as well, knowing the deep separation this would bring, due to the vast differences in lifestyle (to use an extreme example but not too far from the truth, think of moving from a scene of Little House on the Prairie to Hollywood). It was a life altering decision for us, as a family, and would unleash a time I refer to, in my soon to be published book, Don't Waste Your Hurricane: Exodus From an Amish-flavored Life; Moving From Paralyzing Pain Into Powerful Purpose, as 'The beginning of sorrows.'
The Scripture says, in 2 Corinthians 4:8-9, We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed..." I do believe this verse is applicable in any situation as we lean into God's mercy and grace, and yet, we are imperfect humans beings and I struggled with feeling all of those things; crushed, in despair, forsaken and destroyed. The thing I most feared had come upon me and it was a severe blow.
God in his grace and kindness came to me, at pivotal points, and still does, 9 years down this rocky path marked by grace, and gave me the verses from Malachi. Was my faith in him real? Was I playing Christian or was I really a woman of faith? Do any of us know how to walk "successfully" through devastation until we are faced with it and must choose, continually, to walk by faith and even with "no herd in the stalls," rejoice in the God of our salvation, believing he will work ALL things together for good to those who love him and are called according to his purpose? Romans 8:28.
Many, if not all of us, experience those "Job" happenings, in our lives, at some point. It comes in various, unwelcome forms through terminal illness, the unfathomable death of a child, a devastating divorce, financial crisis, the experience of abuse or neglect... that hurl us into a place where we choose to lean into Jesus or move away from believing God has our good in mind. For most, we fluctuate between the two and it takes his loving reminders that he sees us and knows where we are, even in hurricane conditions, and that he will use these broken places in us to reveal himself. As our faith is tested, it produces perseverance, and as we allow perseverance to finish it's work, we will become mature and complete, lacking nothing.
Still Climbing,
Cher
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